If I had to use 1 word to describe my most common feeling in the past 4 months, it would be guilt.
I feel guilt If I don’t have dinner ready at “dinner time”. I feel guilt spending time away from the kids to write. I feel guilt if I am a “bad blogger” and don’t write for a few days. I feel guilt every time I walk into our bedroom and see the complete destruction.
After hearing Jon Acuff speak in the opening session of BlissDom, I realized why I am feeling all this guilt.
My priorities are out of order.
I was a little embarrassed when my eyes welled up, since he obviously was shining a spotlight my direction and speaking directly to me.
Since having Callan, I’m finding it straight up impossible to do everything. I have to choose what is the most important and frankly, I’ve been choosing wrong.
Just before I left on my trip, Cooper started telling me “no, not one more minute, Momma!” Breaks my heart to even type that out. He realized my priorities were wrong even before I did. And that, is ridiculously painful.
Now, being a mother doesn’t mean that 100% of my time must be completely devoted to the kids. I am a wife that loves to write, cook and craft. I am an individual that has dreams and goals. The struggle is finding balance.
It’s not fair to my children to be given half of my attention, while the other half tweets on about meaningless nonsense that definitely makes no difference in the span of life. I’m sure I wouldn’t be guilt laden if I spent more completely dedicated time with them.
If I, as Jon told us, would hang up and arrive.
If I would play with them strictly for fun, without thinking about how it would make a great blog post. Or how the world would just love this instagram shot.
Because my kids need to be my kids. Not my content.
Jon told us to be selfish with time no one else is using. That time may be 5am. Bleh. Or maybe for me, afternoon time that the kids spend with daddy. It means prioritizing what I want to get done on the computer. It means less tweeting, less Facebook browsing, less pinning.
I know this won’t be an overnight change. I know I’m human and will never be perfect, but I am making a conscious decision to be present. To enjoy this time of my life with my kids and to not look back and realize I’ve wasted time on things that just don’t matter.
If you want to know more about Jon and his book, Quitter, go check out his blog. Trust me, you won’t be sorry!
Molly, it will get easier with two. I totally understand about having to find balance. For me, it meant hiring a housekeeper who comes every other week. If I don't get to everything that needs cleaned, she takes care of the rest. It allows me to cook, play, etc. and not feel guilty that I'm doing what I want to do. And Daddy has helped me get some time to myself to craft, scrapbook, relax, etc. You will find what works for you. Praying for you!
This has been my struggle recently- finding balance in the chaos. I had no clue how much time I was spending on Twitter and Facebook. The first thing I did was dedicate more time to reading my Bible and praying. I feel like if I make THAT my priority, then everything else will fall into place. xo
aww honey! I totally understand your take from that lecture. I mean if I had children I assume it will be tough to juggle everything. Parenting is the most important but maintaining a sense of "self" also is. My dad raised me alone so I took majority of his time. But he also loved coaching so he made sure to coach basketball for a local high school for his own happiness. Sometimes I'd just join him at the games. Kind of like your love for blogging and taking the little one with you to Blissdom so that you could do both. I know of so many moms who blog almost daily and I wonder how they do it. Kind of like 'Design Mom" who has like 5 or 6 kids and blogs all the time. lol I hope you find some balance that makes you and your family happy.
I'm sorry you feel so much guilt! Trust me, I know what you mean. For me, it has meant letting go of so many expectations of myself. Last year especially I tink I realized I was trying too hard to make so many things look effortless and with two kids, it needed to go out the window. I would rather be happier and more content and have a bit of mess in my house than have a perfect house but be a grouchy wife and mom. That is how it translated for me anyway.
Thanks for sharing this… being a SAHM makes finding that balance even more difficult in my opinion. We don't have lunch breaks and a commute and time with coworkers to recharge our batteries. We are "on" all the time.
Anyway, I totally get you… and it's a good reminder to me too. My goal is to be a happy wife and mom that raises happy, healthy children that feel loved. I could keep going… you know I like to spout off about things! 🙂
Off to check out Jon's blog… (during nap time…)
P.S. I KNOW you are a wonderful wife and mom because you are genuinely sweet and caring. Hope you can achieve the balance you are striving for… I know you will get there.
Ah, the guilt. We all feel it (I think).The problem lies in the fact that I enjoy doing all the things you mentioned so balance is crucial to me. Luckily, I look forward to cooking dinner so it's rarely late. However, I slack other places. You are completely right-tweeting and pinning and blogging isn't going to contribute to the lasting joy in our lives, but they are hobbies we like. I definitely restrict my time to mornings (and I don't feel bad about putting the kids in front of the TV) because I know later we will do something or play. Then nap-time I can get back on the computer if I want. I tend to not feel guilty if I throughly give my kids all of me when I'm with them.
Ah, the guilt. We all feel it (I think).The problem lies in the fact that I enjoy doing all the things you mentioned so balance is crucial to me. Luckily, I look forward to cooking dinner so it's rarely late. However, I slack other places. You are completely right-tweeting and pinning and blogging isn't going to contribute to the lasting joy in our lives, but they are hobbies we like. I definitely restrict my time to mornings (and I don't feel bad about putting the kids in front of the TV) because I know later we will do something or play. Then nap-time I can get back on the computer if I want. I tend to not feel guilty if I throughly give my kids all of me when I'm with them.
Oh man, the whole balance concept is so tough. I hate the word guilt, but unformtunately I can so relate. Just take it one day at a time. Good luck Mama!
I struggle with balance too
Great post. Thank you for writing this!
I struggle with balance & I am NOT a mother … but I am a girlfriend, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a blogger … its hard to figure it all out and because everything is important to me no matter what I choose I can sometimes feel like I failed … but sometimes YOU just need YOU time – so tweet/pin/blog a little – give yourself 15-20 minutes of YOU time a day … more if you have it to spare, it will make all the difference – it's all about balance!
Seriously, thank you for writing this post. I know I have been spending too much time lately on my computer and not loving up on my little man. He is 10 months and his little sibling is due at the end of August. I don't want to look back on this time and realize I spent his time as a baby tweeting about him instead of playing ball with him. This post sent me straight over to delete my twitter account. Dramatic, huh? But I felt so GOOD after I had deleted it (especially because of the 30 day regret policy haha). I using twitter to brag about my life or to say mundane things that didn't matter. I will definitely miss twitter, but I'm going to take 30 days and see how I feel. Who knows, I might use that regret policy…
Amen girl! I agree 100%!! I am never on the computer after 5pm.. well, almost never. MAYBE 1-2 nights A MONTH do I get on the computer in the evenings when my kiddos are with me. It's what works for me. At night once I'm in bed I typically browse the book from my cellphone. But the computer gets put away after 5pm. I often wonder why these moms/bloggers spend so much time blogging/tweeting/pinning/etc.. there are so many other 'in real life' things they could be doing that would bring them so much more pleasure. Before you know it, those boys will be off to college. Makes me sad even thinking about my babies being ELEVEN and SIX this year!! :o(
Thank you so much for this post! I've been there. Heck I find myself still struggling. I decided a while a go to let go, and I'm finding that in doing so my blogging isn't every day (some weeks it's multiple days in a row, others maybe once/twice a week), tweeting and facebooking aren't priorities anymore, and pinning happens when I can. I'm still struggling with the guilt, but I see the changes in my life. And they are great changes!
Oh honey…story of my life right now. My friends that work think the LAST thing I should feel is guilt because I am home with my kids all day. But the problem is, like you, I have other interests that take up time. It's hard to balance and find time for everything and I too am failing at prioritizing. I may have to check out that guy's blog because I could certainly use inspiration. Hang in there mama…you are fabulous!
Finding the perfect balance is so difficult! I have been trying to get my priorities in order recently, which is why I only read blogs once a week now. My kids deserve my time at this point.
I understand exactly how you feel! I was feeling the exact same way so I decided to give up Facebook and Twitter for lent. Day 1 of lent I called my husband and told him I realized how much precious time I was waiting on my phone and the computer. Even when Easter comes I know I won't be on as much as I once was. Facebook and Twitter will always be there but my daughter will only be this age for so long and with baby #2 due in July I want to soak up every minute! I don't know if I'll ever find the perfect balance but cutting out FB and Twitter for now seems like a great start! 🙂