Stilettos & Diapers

by Molly Wey

Childhood· Totally Random

The scars from Christmas plays.

When I was growing up, my sisters and I were in tons of church plays. We did a summer play and a Christmas play every year. I actually loved it, and when I got to sing a solo, lookout. I was a total rockstar. I loved all the attention on me. I don’t think that has changed, though.

One year, my sister and I were the narrators of the entire Noah’s Ark play. We sat on high stools at the front of the stage, and my head was probably a touch bigger than the ark. The only downfall was that I got a new permanent retainer the week before the play, and I talked with a lisp. I was so embarrassed when I watched the video. Thanks alot, teeth, for ruining my possible news anchor career.


One summer play, I was singing with another girl about senses. (I know, who wrote these plays?) She had a stuffed animal, and I was supposed to have a lollipop. Only I left it sitting in my seat. Whoops. I felt up her stuffed whatever the whole song, so no one thought I was loser that forgot her prop.

There was the Christmas play when I was 9. We were all in the choir room, waiting on the time to make our grand entrance. Two of the boys were jumping off chairs and screwing around. One of them jumped but got caught in the chair and we all heard a loud crack. Long story short, the paramedics came and cut his freakin pants off. I had never seen a boy in his whitie tighties before and I was mortified. How embarrassing. To this day, my undies match my clothes. Almost every time I get dressed, I think “how am I going to look if my pants have to get cut off of me?”
What if this guy was my paramedic?

I just know I would be laying there, totally forgetting the pain, going through the checklist of what I shaved that morning, while trying to strategically place my hands without anyone thinking anything of it. Then off we will go to the hospital, while I wonder, “Does this stretcher make my butt look big?”

Comments

  4. Kay says

    I totally do the same thing! Whenever I get dressed in the morning, I always think "If I had to go to the hospital, would I be embarrassed when the cute male doctor/paramedic sees this?"

    I try to pick 'em so that not only will I not be embarrassed, he'll probably work even harder to save my life in the hopes of a date. 😉

  5. Ashley says

    Haha! The only Christmas play I remember was the one were we all wore sweatshirts with our foot and hand prints on the front in the shape of reindeers. 🙂

  8. bananas. says

    bahahahaha! okay i'm so glad i'm not alone. i always think what if i die in the shower…when i'm all nekked and shiiiittt…EEK! i think i'd scare the paramedics away!!!

  10. Annie says

    Hahaha….you crack me up lady!! I hoestly think about that same thing! Also because of a past experience when I was a kid, lol.

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