Some days, I would say I’m happy.
That I’m content living in California.
That I consider myself blessed.
That I thank God for the opportunity to live there,
And for the amazing things I have gotten to do.
But some days, my heart aches.
Aches for my family.
Aches for my Mom’s comfort when I don’t feel good.
Aches to snuggle up in my Daddy’s lap like I did when I was 5.
Aches for my baby to grow up with his cousins.
This year, I really want to be content.
I want to truly believe that I am where I am for a reason.
I want to enjoy every day, knowing I won’t be there forever.
To purpose in my heart to make the best of where I am.
To trust that God cares not only about my needs, but also my wants.
Even with all this good intention, I’m struggling.
I wonder if I’ll ever live near my family.
I’m scared I can’t handle more kids being so far away.
My glimmer of hope is already fading.
And I’m only 4 days into the year.